Make Me Believe That This Isn't A Sin
by Niels-Kaye
Summary: Rated M for later chapters. This is mainly just a small preview right now to see how you all like it.
1. Preview

**A/N:** _Okay, so this is a new story that I really want to contine with, but I would like feedback on ways to better my story, maybe some ideas although I already have a few. And just how you feel on if I should continue. The stories will be longer I promise. But this is kind of like a prolouge. A small preview if you will. So let me know what you think. Thank you._

**Disclaimer:** _The characters are not my own however the story line is._

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I don't date. I don't do relationships. I don't believe it's because I am "undateable" in the sense of the word. I've just never felt the urge to be dating someone. I believe that when you date someone they should make your heart, beat so fast that it feels like it is going to explode. Your stomach should do back flips when that person enters the room, their very presence should make you feel warm inside.

I've never felt that with anyone before. I've never been nervous around a boy because I had some schoolgirl crush on him. Maybe it is just because no boy has yet to catch my interest. I know that Ron would date me. He asked me out once before. I respectfully declined though. Saying that I wished to keep my attention on my studies. Which wasn't a lie. But it wasn't the complete truth either. I just wasn't interested in him like he was in me. Oh but how I wish that I were. I wish that my eyes would just light up and my spirit rise when he walks in the room. But it never does. I've even kissed a boy or two before. But there were no sparks, no fireworks…nothing. Maybe I'm not meant to be with someone. Maybe I really am meant to concentrate only on my studies.

But then there are girls like Ginny. My dearest Ginny. She's beautiful, my best friend for some years now. Her and Harry have been dating for a while now. Even still, after all this time, her eyes still light up whenever that boy walks into the room. They are so happy with each other. I wish that I could feel for someone the way that Ginny does for Harry. But that has yet to happen to me.

I may not have anything as far as my love life goes but at least I have friends. Of course there is Harry and Ron. We've all been there for each other ever since our first year. But then there is Ginny. One of my only friends who is actually a girl. Only because I can't stand when Lavender and Pavarti gossip all the time. Thankfully Ginny isn't like that. She's more down to earth and relaxed about everything. We stay up late at night talking about anything and everything that comes to our minds. We can talk for hours on end every night and still not run out of things to say. We talked about boys one night. Her voice was so dreamy when she talked of Harry. How I love her voice. So angelic. She asked me why I wouldn't date Ron. I told her the same thing that I told him. However, unlike her brother she knew that, that wasn't the only reason. So she pressed me further until I finally told her that I wasn't interested in him, that I wasn't interested in any boy right now.

She just laughed lightly and told me that maybe I wasn't interested in any boy because I fancied girls. I knew that she was only joking. But as she continued to laugh about it, I thought to myself…maybe that was my problem. Maybe I really do fancy girls.


	2. Sin?

**A/N:** Okay, so again this one isn't going to be that long only because I'm waiting for the pace to pick up and for people to tell me what they think. Sadly I only had one review thus far thanks to _thousand lies _which I appreciate however considering how many hits the story recieved and that one review its rather sad. But if I'm only going to be continuing because of one person who likes the story then so be it. I will continue anyways. But thank you to those who read. Chapter is not that long but once the plot thickens and so the chapters I can assure you will be longer. Hope you enjoy.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters only the story line.

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Ever since that night when Ginny made her little joke about me fancying girls…I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Was it because I fancied girls that my eyes never lit up for a boy? I've never thought of myself as liking girls… My parents always told me it was wrong. There was no way that I could be gay. I like boys. Or at least I think I like boys. 

I was so lost in my thoughts about our conversation that I never even noticed Ginny approaching me in the common room. She took a seat next to me on the couch. "Hey Hermione. How's it going?" _When did her eyes become so deep and blue_?

"Oh, not bad, just relaxing a bit and thinking." Not a lie, but I wasn't going to tell her what I was thinking about.

"Hermione Granger actually relaxes from homework?" She joked. "Now that's amazing." She laughed lightly and so did I. We sat there for a little while in silence. Nothing uncomfortable or awkward, just peaceful silence. She leaned her head on my shoulder, a common thing for the two of us. Although this time, it made me feel more at peace than it ever had before. I had to stop thinking like this. She is my best mate nothing more, nothing less. "Hermione?" She asked as she turned her head to look up at me. Breaking me from my thoughts.

"Yes, Ginny?" I asked turning my head to look down at her sapphire eyes looking into mine.

"Do you ever think of what life would be like if things were different?" She asked me as she turned her eyes and looked towards the fireplace seeming to zone out. As if she were deep in thought.

"What do you mean by if things were different?"

"Just… if we weren't best friends… if I wasn't dating Harry… if you were actually dating a boy." She laughed at the last comment. I laughed back, knowing that she was not talking about her little joke but talking about the fact that I don't date at all. She turned back to look at me. Searching my features for any kind of an answer.

"No I guess I haven't ever thought about what things would be like if all of that were true. And since part of that was me and you not being friends…I don't want to think about it." I said, smiling to her. She returned my smile and then put her head back onto my shoulder.

Silence fell upon us again. We sat there for what seemed like hours although I know that it was merely minutes. Me leaning against the arm of the couch and Ginny leaning against me. Every now and then she would rest her hand on my arm. And every time she did so, the simple gesture would give me goose bumps. Why was this all happening now? Ever since our conversation I've been acting differently. Noticing things that I had never noticed before. I was never like this before that night.

I looked over to Ginny to find that she had fallen asleep. I was going to wake her up and tell her to go to bed but instead I just stared at her. I really took in all of her features. The way her hair fell over her face as she slept, all the little freckles that I could never see before, the way her chest was rising and falling as she breathed in deeply_. I've really got to stop thinking like this. _

I gently shook her awake to send her up to her dorm. "Ginny… wake up."

She finally stirred awake and looked around the room a moment before finally saying, "What's going on?"

"You feel asleep. Besides it's getting late. We should go to bed. We do have classes in the morning and all." She sat up straight and stretched out and I couldn't help but let my eyes wander over her. Perhaps a second longer than I should have but she didn't seem to notice. She stood up in front of me and offered her hand.

"M'lady?" I laughed at how corny she was being and she laughed along with me. But nonetheless I took her hand and she helped me stand up. We made our ways up the stairs to our dormitories. We reached her dorm first. We said our goodnights and hugged each other before I finally continued the rest of the way to my room. When I entered I could see that everyone else had already fallen asleep. So I quietly made my way to my bed.

I quickly changed and then just layed down. I didn't fall right to sleep. So I just let my mind wander. Which was a mistake. Because no matter what my thoughts always came back to her. Her glowing sapphire eyes and her brilliant red hair. I still had no idea why I was thinking like this lately. Why am I doing this to myself? I'm Straight. That's all there is to it. I like boys, not girls. I had to get her out of my mind. It was wrong to like girls. It has to be everyone I know says so.

So if it is considered a sin… then why can't I stop thinking of how beautiful she is and how soft her lips look?

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**A/N:** Again I apologize for the legnth of this one but I hope you enjoyed it anyways. Please R&R. Thank you. 


	3. Unsaid, Unnoticed, and Forgotten

**A/N: **_Wow, it's been a long time since I have updated this, won't go on with any excuses but I apologize but now that I have more time I'd like to continue more with the story. So I hope you all enjoy!_

**Disclaimer:** _The characters are not my own however the story line is._

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I woke up the next morning feeling completely refreshed and in a good mood. I quickly got up and got dressed for the day, being that it was Saturday and no classes I figured that I would try and hangout with the boys since it had been a while since all of us just got together. I ran down the stairs and out of the common room making my way to the great hall for breakfast. I started thinking about last night, about what Ginny had said about "if things were different". Even though I knew clearly that she meant us not being friends I couldn't help but think about what if it wasn't Harry she was dating.

As I reached the Great Hall I pushed aside all my thoughts as I approached Harry and Ron both shoveling food into their faces. "Hello boys. How are you two feeling?" I asked laughing as Ron tried to acknowledge me with a mouthful of food.

"Hey Hermione." Harry said, kind enough to swallow all of his food before actually saying anything. "Me and Ron were thinking that all of us should go spend the day out by the lake, that sound good with you?"

I smiled "Of course, I was actually thinking that we should all hangout today as well. Sounds great." It would be nice to be with the boys and just relax. After that there wasn't much conversation except for Harry and Ron going back and forth about new brooms and what not. However I was saved before being bored to tears when Ginny finally had made it to breakfast. "Hey Ginny." I said innocently enough.

"Hey Hermione,…hey Ron." She said and sat down on the other side of Harry giving him a kiss on the cheek, and for some reason I felt my stomach tighten but just blamed it on the food being undercooked. I pushed my food away no longer hungry anymore and just kind of watched everyone as they ate. Ron of course was making small talk with Harry while still trying to get as much food as possible into his mouth and Harry and Ginny were being the cute couple that they always were and suddenly I felt as though the undercooked food was going to be making a second trip.

"Excuse me guys… I don't feel so well suddenly. I think I'm going to lay down for a bit, but I'll catch up to you guys later on okay?" I said, fearing that if I stayed much longer I'd be seeing my breakfast a lot sooner than I wanted to.

"Are you okay Hermione?" Ginny asked with a worried expression on her face. Her beauti- stop. I can't think like this.

"Yeah, I think the food is just upsetting my stomach a little bit. I'm sure I'll be fine in a little while though, thank you for asking. Ill just catch up with you guys later." I said and waved and made my way out as they all wished me to feel better soon.

I began making my way to the staircase when the image of Ginny and Harry came back into my head so I quickly turned and went into the bathroom. I went to the sink and quickly turned the cold water on and splashed it on my face. _Why am I feeling this way?_ I thought to myself. _I seriously must be losing it. It's Harry and Ginny, they are supposed to be together, supposed to be happy with each other. So why is it now making me sick to see them kissing. Does this make me a terrible friend for feeling like this?_ I just couldn't stop the thoughts from coming. I needed her out of my head and yet it was like nothing that I did would make her leave my mind. _What is wrong with me?_

I was suddenly jerked out of my thoughts when I heard the door open. I started acting as though I was washing my hands so that nobody would think I was in here losing my mind. "Hermione". I knew that voice all too well.

"Yes?" I replied without turning around to see her. Afraid to see her face, her eyes, her hair just anything about her.

"What's wrong?" She asked, and I hated that I was the reason of concern in her voice.

I finally turned around thinking that it wasn't right for me to have her talking to my back. "I'm fine. Like I said, I think the food was just getting to me a bit." I tried to sound as convincing as possible.

"The food huh? A piece of toast with some jam is going to upset your stomach? Come on, we both know that it isn't the food." I could tell she wasn't joking as she said this. I just didn't know what to say, what does she want me to say?

I looked at her, wishing I knew what to do. She just stared back at me and then walked towards me and threw her arms around me hugging me close. I knew it was a friendly gesture in her mind, but to me, it put me on top of the world. Her skin is so soft and she always smells so amazing. I never wanted her to let go and I didn't even understand why.

"Whatever is bothering you, you can always tell me Hermione. You know that right?" She said sounding ever so sincere.

I pulled away and looked at her in the eyes, a never-ending sea of emotion. "Some things Ginny…" I said trying to gather myself together "are best left unsaid, unnoticed, and forgotten." I finished and then walked past her out of the bath room and then ran all the way to my room. I laid down thinking that yes, some things are best left unsaid, unnoticed, and definitely forgotten.

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**A/N:** Okay, so It's been a terribly long time since I've tried to write so hopefully this will be as good as the other chapters. Either way hope you enjoyed it. =]


	4. Normal

**A/N:** _So I'm trying to keep to my word in updating more often and all, unlike I've previously proved. Also thank you to those who reviewed, I greatly appreciate it. Don't worry though I won't hold the story hostage for reviews. Chapters will show up with or without them. But they are still nice =]. So here goes another chapter, of course I hope you enjoy. =] I'm sorry it's another short chapter but I suppose that's better than no chapter at all. =].  
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**Disclaimer: **_The characters are not my own however the story line is._

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I laid there for what felt like hours to me but I'm sure it had only probably been 45 minutes. I felt terrible for leaving Ginny the way I had in the bathroom. Part of me wanted to get out of bed and find her so that I could apologize, but the other part of me was scared of seeing her again. I was scared that I would find her and she would be hurt, or hate me for walking out, although I know she would never hate me. But to know that I had hurt her would kill me. She's only ever been there for me, I never want to hurt her.

I tried to get her out of my mind again and tried to drift off to sleep but I just can't seem to manage to do so. I toss and turn until I finally give up and decide to go down to the common room. As I walked down the stairs and looked over to the couch and saw that it was already occupied I decided that instead I would go for a walk around the grounds.

As I walked around outside the cool breeze that was hitting me seemed to make everything disappear. I walked towards the lake almost hoping that Harry, Ron, and Ginny had already left and gone somewhere else, and as I looked around, I noticed that they were no where to be seen so I sat at the edge of the lake. I stared at my own reflection in the water, _why can't I just be normal?_ I asked knowing that truly there is no real answer. Who am I to decide what is normal and what isn't?

I picked up a pebble and tossed it down against my reflection letting it become distorted. _That's me. Just a distorted image that I can't seem to figure out._ I tossed in pebble after pebble, too consumed in seeing myself distorted that I didn't even realize someone approaching me. "Are you going to run from me again?" I jumped just realizing that Ginny had once again managed to find me. I swear she could find me even if I was invisible.

"No." I replied meekly at first. "I'm not going to runaway again. I'm sorry about that." I said hoping she knew that I was being truthful.

"It's okay. I'm just worried about you. It just seems like the past couple of days you've been acting strangely around me." She looked away for a moment as if thinking of what to say next. "Did I do something wrong?" I looked at her shocked, not believing that she actually thought that she could do something wrong in my eyes.

"Ginny, heavens no! You haven't done anything wrong at all. Don't for one moment think that. I'm sorry I've just had a lot on my mind, like class and all." I said and looked away quickly so she couldn't detect any lie in my face.

"'Mione, I wish you would open up to me. I know good and well that you never get that stressed out over you classes." and she laughed a little. She laughed. She isn't mad at me at all. I've never loved her laugh more than I do right at this moment.

"Gin, truth is…" I paused trying to think of what I should say. "I've just had a lot of different things on my mind. Just trying to, you know, figure things out, my future and all." Which isn't a lie at all but I'm hoping she doesn't question me further.

"When aren't you thinking of the future?" She's laughing more carefree now and I know that she isn't going to push much harder to find too much more out. "So, next weekend is a Hogsmead trip, are you going to come with me, Harry, and Ron?"

"Who else would I be going with?" I ask and laugh making a joke of myself. "Of course I'm going to go with you guys, I'm sorry I didn't hangout with you much today like I said, my stomach and all." I felt guilty for continuing the lie but it wasn't a complete lie.

"It's okay, just make yourself more visible sometimes, we miss you being there telling us what we should be doing and what we are doing wrong." We're both laughing and it's been so long it seems since we have both laughed together even though I know it hasn't been. "Well I'm supposed to go meet Harry before we have to practice. So I'll see you later tonight then right?" She asks.

My stomach tightens again at the thought of her and Harry, though I try to hide it. "Of course." I say. "I'll meet you guys later for dinner okay?" Wanting her to go now so I can go somewhere and be sick. She looks at me for a moment, and my heart sinks. She's starting to connect my illness to her and Harry.

"Yeah, we'll see you there. Feel better." She says and turns and starts to walk away but not without throwing one last glance my way and I know that she knows it really is something to do with her. I smile and so does she and then continues her way out to the pitch.

I feel worse than I did this morning after that look she gave me. I feel like I'm the most terrible friend in the world. Harry and Ginny and two of my best friends, and they are in love, and I should be overjoyed that two of my best friends have found love in each other. But I'm not. I'm everything but overjoyed. I don't know exactly what I'm feeling at the moment. I shouldn't feel anything right now. It was only Ginny, my best friend… a girl. I shouldn't feel happy, and nervous, and my heart shouldn't be beating out of my chest when she hugs me or anything. I shouldn't notice how the hair falls over her face, or how each freckle she has seems to multiply each summer, or how athletic she is, or what shades of blue her eyes change with each emotion that she feels. I shouldn't know these things. I shouldn't want to know these things. But somehow, I want to know everything about her. She keeps me curious, and it's going to be the death of my sanity if things keep going this way.

After roaming around the grounds for a little while longer and then finally going back to my room to study for a bit it was time for dinner. I would have to keep myself from looking ill when I see Harry and Ginny together. As I walked down and out of the common room I happened to see Ron just up ahead of me. "Ron!".

He looked back, "Oh, hey Hermione, what's up?" He stopped walking so that I could catch up to him. Once I reached him we continued to walk together to the Great Hall.

"Nothing much, was just catching up on studying. Something you wouldn't know how to do." I say jokingly knowing that he would take no real offense from it.

"Hey! I study, just, I happen to go about it in a different way than you do."

"Which would be not at all." I say and we both start laughing as we come to the doors of the Great Hall. We enter and see that Harry and Ginny aren't there yet, which I'm not exactly sad about. Me and Ron sit down where we usually do and start to fill our plates up with food. We talk a for a bit about nothing much when Harry and Ginny finally come to sit with us.

"Hey guys" Harry says as he quickly sits down and starts to fill his plate up.

"Hey Hermione, hey Ron" Ginny says and sits next to me across from Harry. I'm not shocked she usually does sit next to me at dinner and I'm glad because I don't think that I could handle the two of them together at the moment. We all sit there and talk about class and of course the boys start talking about brooms and what not.

As Harry and Ron talked about whatever it was they were talking about at the moment, I could see out of the corner of my eye that Ginny kept throwing glances against me. I wanted to look at her but was afraid after the last bit of our conversation earlier. Though as time went on I kept seeing her looking at me, finally at one point I saw her staring at me so I looked back. Hey eyes never wavered, as I looked at her I could see her trying to figure me out.

I felt consumed by her eyes, as though if I looked away all that was my life as I knew it would slip away from me and I would fall into darkness, and the only thing that would give me light would be the blue depths that are her eyes. I could have sworn she was staring at me forever, but I knew that as quickly as it had happened, it had ended. With one last look she smiled and then everything went back to normal. Normal. I'm beginning to think that there is no such thing as normal, and I'm starting to think that maybe I don't want to be normal.

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**A/N:**_ So I know its kind of short again, but I'm trying to build up to something more. So please bear with me. I'd love reviews but again, I won't hold the story hostage if I don't get any. Thank you for reading!! Again I hope you enjoyed it!_


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